Your Script for Assertive and Effective Communication

This script is for talking with important people in your life; it is not necessary to talk to just anyone from a feelings place.  Eventually, you will be able to communicate this way without using the exact script and will find it not only to be effective, but a relief as well.

In therapy and in self-help book and meetings, people are encouraged to speak assertively and express their feelings. Sometimes, this message is misunderstood and misused. I have heard people in my office say awful things to a spouse or child and then say “I am just expressing my feelings.”  Well, ok, they are expressing their feelings, but not in a way that has the other person listening. In fact, they are often attacking and spewing pent up hurt and anger, which leave the receiver running and ducking for cover, or curled up in the fetal position on the floor trying to protect themselves. Sometimes, the recipient has emotionally checked out, or will physically leave the room. [Read more…]

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Experiment day two: Clearing for healing

I love what I do. I am absolutely passionate about my career choice. The focus is ever evolving, I am still in the helping/healing field, but I am not doing it the same way I was over 20 years ago.  I am fortunate also that I get so many gifts, spiritual gifts from my clients/patients.  They teach me a lot. In the beginning of my career, when I had little experience, my clients taught me how to help them.

When we get out of our own way, we are often the expert about ourselves. That’s not to say that we don’t need guidance, education and support, but we often know what needs to be fixed.  The support helps us recognize our strengths, so we have resources to fix what needs to be fixed, to become whole again, to live as a whole person, to live a whole and authenic life.

I decided that clearing my desk would be a good start to reducing the distractions so that I could focus on the blogging experiment. At least now I have a space to work, and that tipping over pile of mixed papers is now clearly into manageable piles. I know what is in each pile, and what needs to happen next with it. The junk mail is in the recycling basket.

Among the interesting items I found in the pile was this quote from a client: “So much of therapy is bringing a boat to those who are adrift.”  What a wise person, a wise young person. I can say that now that I am over 50. Who gives who the gifts?

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Journaling for healing and the experiment

Ok so here’s the experiment. Blog for at least 15 minutes daily. After 21 days, I hope that the habit will be ingrained. Oh, you thought this was a challenge for you?  I believe that you could get a healing benefit from doing it, so much so, that I am taking the challenge myself.

What brought this on? Well, partly looking at the last update (hanging my head).  Partly was a very invigorating conversation with fellow weavers and spinners last night about blogging. One of the women asked how long I spend blogging every day. I started to laugh, then realized what a great question that was. I could continue to hang my head, or turn it around into a postive challenge. Hmmm, just the kind of thing I might suggest to you, in my professional capacity.

Journaling has been recommended as a healing tool for a long time. Sometimes, new journalers are intimidated and overwhelmed. They compare themselves, wondering if they are doing it “right”. I’m not sure that there is one right way to journal; the right way is the way that works for you.

Journaling can be words carefully penned in a beautifully bound blank book.  Journaling can be pictures, drawn, sketched or cut out from magazines, or favorite, meaninful photos or memorabilia. Or any combination of the above, or any of many creative mediums that you can imagine. Or blogging.

I remember a quote by Carol Christ, that our stories validate who we are. How powerful! It matters less if your story matters to others than if it matters to you.  Our stories include our private and public faces; personal and professional. Not all the details are appropriate in every venue, that’s about boundaries. The most important thing is that you tell you story, or you share your knowledge.

Take the challenge. Enjoy the process of healing. Journal well!

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